Uzziah: My Pregnancy and Miscarriage Story (January 3, 2015 – February 11, 2015)

After 6 months of actively trying to get pregnant since successfully losing weight (60 lbs) with vertical sleeve gastrectomy, we were shocked and elated to see that faint positive line on a HCG test strip. It was midnight on January 3, when we saw that positive. In my spirit on January 2, I felt lead to go buy a ClearBlue Easy Digital pregnancy test with weeks estimator for me to test early the next morning. I knew it was possible for me to be pregnant this cycle because I knew exactly when I ovulated (December 22/23 aka Cycle days 19/20) I didn’t have early many early symptoms, but remember feeling extra wet.  I showed Romain the faint line positive, but he wanted to see the actual words to believe it was true. I quickly texted the picture to Ursula and she saw the positive right away too! All I could think about that night was “Wow! We Did it!” The next morning I took the CB Digi test and BAM there is was!

I was so happy and in shock. I sent my collage to my closest friends and family. God had answered our prayers and was faithful to his word. I just became so excited and was eager to begin planning for our first child, a son. We just felt it was a boy. The Chinese Gender Predictor said boy, our sex pattern was a Shettles Method which could mean boy, and in our collective spirit we just sensed a boy. I started my registry and was just drawn to boy items too. On that Monday, January 5, I went in for a blood test and it came back positive to confirm pregnancy. First prenatal appointment was made for January 29, I was so excited for this day to come. I would test the HCG strip tests daily just to see my positive line get darker and darker each time. It comforted me that my levels were high and growing.  On January 13, I was shocked and scared to see brown spotting in my underwear. It was only that time, but I feared and said Lord please don’t let me miscarry. I thought it was late implantation bleeding and left it at that.  I took another CB Digi on January 16 and was glad to see that it stated the baby was 3+ weeks!

From my perspective, everything was progressing well. I had no morning sickness, only sore boobs, gas, bloating, and frequent urination. Everyone thought it was a boy too! The saying goes that boys are easier than girls. I was just giddy about having a little boy just like Romain. Everyday was a countdown to the big day I could see our baby on the ultrasound and hear the heartbeat. When January 28 came, I could barely sleep, I was so excited to get to the appointment! I bought a shirt from Etsy that stated:

and also purchased our pregnancy announcement banner

All I need is my sonogram picture and to hear that heartbeat to make it official. And finally that day had come, January 29 is here! That morning, I was fussing with Romain to get ready so we can be on time for 8:30 am appointment.  He ended up dragging his feet, so I left in my car to get there on time.  He was supposed to follow me in my car, but had to turn around to get his phone.  I drove on to Kaiser in Hyattsville. Traffic was a mess, but God took me through a new shortcut and I got there in surprise time.  While I’m doing this, Romain is heading for Kaiser in Kensington! Total mix-up! I was mad he was going to miss my first appointment and that I was going to be alone for this moment. I had on my shirt and was ready to see my baby! I meet this new doctor since my usual one was out for the first time. She seemed pleasant at first.  Then the time came for the transvaginal ultrasound. She put the wand in and was completely silent and she maneuvered it around. We saw a gestational sac and something that was a start. She coldly pulled out the wand and told me I had a miscarriage and that there was no baby. I couldn’t believe it. My dream was just shattered. She sent me to get bloodwork and stated I would have to get a formal ultrasound to confirm. What hurt the most was reading the take home dr notes about miscarriage and knowing it was in my health file. She gave me no encouragement and even threw away my sonogram picture. I was just devastated. I was too distraught to go to work and went home to cry, pray, and research about what happened. In my search, I learned about a blighted ovum, missed miscarriages, and misdiagnosed miscarriages. I hoped the latter was true. That my baby is there and just couldn’t be seen yet – too early to tell.  Armed with this knowledge, I changed my doctor and studied scriptures on God’s promises about fertility and pregnancy.  My HCH levels returned to be 15,306 on 1/29, but only rose slightly to 16,546 on 1/31.

My next appointment was February 4, 2015. My new doctor’s team was wonderful and she was so kind to me. In this sonogram, we did see a gestational sac, yolk sac, fetal pole, and a baby measuring 6 weeks and 1 day. The baby measured fair behind what it should be given I found out I was pregnant a month prior. The EDD was 9/29/15 when it really should be 9/14/15. We also couldn’t find a heartbeat. She noted that it could just be too early to tell if the pregnancy was viable or an anembroyonic pregnancy. We have to wait and see and scheduled the formal ultrasound for February 11, 2015. We took my HCG level to check on the progression.  Sadly, it had dropped significantly to 13,719 on 2/4 which signals the unwanted result is about to occur soon.  

I amazed myself with the peace of mind that I was able to maintain giving what I was facing. I asked God to be merciful and if I must go through this, let me miscarry naturally at home and not need a D&C. I talked it through with Romain and Ursula. All we can do it pray, wait, and watch.  I started checking my cervical fluid, when I noticed yellowy discharge when I wiped on Sunday, February 8. The Holy Spirit told me my mucus plug had dropped and my cervix has opened, the process was beginning (On 2/4, my doctor shared that it was closed tight). I got pads in preparation. On Tuesday morning Feb 10, I started brown spotting that began to get darker throughout the day. I went to work as normal with a brave face and later that day went to a job interview for a new job I hope to get. After the long day, I went home (skipped class), cooked dinner, and just rested as the inevitable makes it occurrence. As the night progressed, cramping increased, and tried to sleep hoping with would happen while I was in dream state.  In the middle of the night around 2 or 3 am, I shot up from sleep and went to the toilet. Within minutes, I had contractions and felt the sac pass and other clots. I was still in a sleepy daze and chose not to look at what passed, but to flush away what it was with a silent prayer.  In few hours, I will be at my ultrasound appointment to confirm what had occurred and try to from the loss.  I found it somewhat ironic or just supernatural that the miscarriage occurred right before my appointment on February 11. When we went for the scan, it showed that my uterus had cleared out all of the contents naturally. I am proud of my body for being in such a healthy state to process the loss in such a way that the pain wasn’t so that I couldn’t bear it. It happened quickly and even though the period after the loss was heavy, I was able to be resilient at work and model strength to those around me. I had to “perform” by planning, decorating, and hosting the Valentine’s Day party just 2 days away.

The event was a hit, but what mattered to me the most was the love and support I received from my co-workers. I took February 11 off, and asked that they don’t give me a pity party when I returned Thursday. They respected my request, but gave me hugs, a lovely card, and a bouquet of red roses! I knew they also love this baby and felt the loss with me. Many even opened up and shared that they have had miscarriages themselves and understand my loss.

Overall through this life-changing experience, I grew closer to God and a better sense of my strength as a woman of faith. There is a time and a season for all things. For so long I didn’t think I could get pregnant, now I know I can and will again! Thank you angel baby Uzziah for bringing me to this strength. You may have only lived in me for 6-7 weeks, but your life will impact me forever. You truly are what your name means, “Jehovah is My Strength.”  This song from Whitney Houston has continually been in my spirit sense this experience, “I Didn’t Know My Own Strength.” It blesses me and validates what I now know about me.